The Hidden Joy

Listen, I heard this story, 
maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not,
but it explains a lot.
 
The gods got together one day, 
bored,
the way gods get when eternity stretches too long.
One of them said, 
“Let’s screw with the humans.”
 
So, they’re sitting around,
 swapping ideas like
 “Whose turn is it to ruin something today?”
One of them says,
 “Let’s take joy away from humans.
 Make them earn it.
 See how desperate they get.”
 
They all lean in – 
This is fun.
They debated locations like party planners from hell.
Top of Everest? – Nah, humans wll climb.
Bottom of the ocean? -They’ll build submarines.
Mars? – Give them time, they’ll get there.
 
Then the oldest one,
the one who’s been quiet,
watching the rest talk themselves in circles,
finally says,
“Hide it inside. 
Hide it inside them.
They’ll search everywhere else.
They’ll buy it, earn it, marry it, achieve it,
travel the whole world looking for it.
They’ll never think to check the one place
they can’t escape.”
 
And here we are.
Spending fortunes on happiness.
Googling “how to find joy.”
Sure it’s in the next relationship,
the next promotion, 
the next weight loss goal,
the next anything but this.
 
Meanwhile, it’s sitting there. 
Right behind your ribs. 
Patient as a dog you forgot to feed.
 
You know those moments when it breaks through? 
When you’re not even trying – 
laughing at something stupid, 
sun on your face at a red light, 
that song hitting just right – 
That’s not joy visiting. 
That’s joy saying “I’m still here, asshole. 
I’ve been here the whole time.”
 
But we explain it away. 
That was the wine, the weather, the moment. 
Not us. 
Never us. 
We’re not naturally joyful people.
 We need to earn joy, deserve joy, 
find the right circumstances for joy.
 
Bullshit.
 
But what’s really screwed up –   
even when we know the secret, 
even when someone tells us exactly where joy is, 
we nod and then book another flight, 
buy another thing, 
chase another high, 
sure that our joy must be different, 
must be harder to find, 
must be anywhere but here, 
anywhere but now, 
anywhere but already inside us, 
waiting…
 

(2019, © Julia Delaney)

Julia Delaney
The Hidden Joy

So maybe the gods aren’t laughing at us. Maybe they’re waiting for that moment when we finally stop – stop scrolling for happiness, stop scheduling it for after we’re fixed, stop thinking it’s in someone else’s life.

The search isn’t a “journey” – it’s a joke, and we’re the only ones not in on it.

Because joy isn’t hiding. We are. We’re hiding from the unbearable simplicity that we already have what we’re looking for. Hell, we ARE what we’re looking for.

Right now, in this imperfect moment, with your imperfect life and imperfect everything, joy is sitting inside you. Not waiting for you to be ready. Not waiting for you to deserve it. Just waiting for you to stop running long enough to feel what’s been there since before you learned its name.

The gods hid it perfectly – in the one place we’d never believe something that precious could be: inside someone like you.

The joke’s on us. Or maybe the joke is us, and somehow, that’s the joy of it.

Be Alive 🌱
Love ❤️, Julia

Keyes to joy

Rhyme & Reason

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2 thoughts on “Why Can’t I Be Happy? (looking for happiness in all the wrong places)

  1. Brid White says:

    Hi. I really liked your poem about joy today. Years ago I gave myself a middle name…Joy. The poem resonated deeply with me and my new intentions for the year. 💐🐝

    • Julia Delaney says:

      Thank you for your kind words. It warms my heart to know that my writing has resonated with you and that you’ve found inspiration in my poem about joy. Your decision to give yourself the middle name ‘Joy’ is so beautiful!!! Thank you again for reaching out and sharing 💞 it means a lot to me.

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